Friday, March 22, 2013

American Idol recap: Beatlemania

Posted By on Fri, Mar 22, 2013 at 12:19 PM

After a brief intro by Jimmy Iovine telling us about the Beatles theme this week, Ryan Seacrest reminds us that someone gets to come back. I completely forgot that we're supposed to find out who won the sing-off between Charlie and Aubrey from last week. My, how my memory is failing me in my old age. Aubrey is the winner, which means that the youth of America aren't totally sadistic. There's hope for humanity.

Kree started off by telling us about the untimely deaths of her parents. God, what a downer. She decided to sing "With a Little Help from My Friends" and lets us know that she's battling a cold. Poor girl. She pretty much nailed it, even though she added a country twist; however, her stage presence was lacking, well, presence. Nicki made up a new word, "Kreedom." Love it.

Burnell chose "Let it Be," and Jimmy let us know that this kid has never heard this song before. OK, my faith in American youth was just crushed. Fortunately for him, the affectations he chose to incorporate worked, like, really well. He had this John Legend delicacy going on that kept me interested the entire time. Well done, kid.

"She's Leaving Home" is one of my favorite Beatles songs, mostly because Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band played in repeat in my house growing up. What Amber has done here is make this a new and updated R&B track. It's amazing. OK, a little Broadway, but still, it's amazing. Good GOD, Mariah Carey has never heard this song before. She's qualified to be a judge how?

Lazaro is up next with "In My Life." Man, I'm loving the song choices, but we see that Lazaro's having trouble with the tempo in rehearsal. In real life, he's having trouble with the notes. And enunciating. And keeping tempo. And everything else. Whoa, Randy grew a pair and told the kid this was his worst performance ever. Agreed.

Candice is following Lazaro, which probably means that he's going to be forgotten and kicked off for sure. She's singing "Come Together." I love this for her. She has no clue what it means, but really, do any of us? Jimmy Iovine: "We're not going to try to psychoanalyze John Lennon." I'd rather try to do that for three minutes than listen to this performance again. it was a complete rip-off of En Vogue's "Free Your Mind." Fortunately for Candace, I'm not sure the voting audience knows what that is.

Paul Jolley proves that he's a mega-diva in rehearsal. He's also showing us that he's doing unnecessary things to the melody of "Eleanor Rigby." Don't fuck this up, Jolley. HA, the cameras cut to judges' panel after his big unnecessary note, and Nicki's face said "vomit." Then she actually said that. OK, maybe this guy is going home. He's word vomiting about the meaning of the song blah blah blah. I loathe him.

Mega-star Angie Miller is up next singing "Yesterday." I need her to not do anything criz-azy to this song. Just. sing. it. Don't pause, don't change notes, don't mess with this song. Or do all of those things. Plus make it Broadway. Yeah, that's cool, said no one ever. Except Mariah Carey.

My ex-BF look-alike Devin is singing "The Long and Winding Road" and has decided to emulate Brian McKnight. Lots of R&B this season, amirite? His singing is perfection on this one. OH MY GOD Nicki said "penis" on purpose instead of "pianist" followed by "HAHAHAHA, FOX." HAHAHAHAHA.

Janelle's lil' country voice finished the show with "I Will." This rendition from this voice could go No. 1 tomorrow on the country chart. It was simply beautiful.

The Results

OK, here's what I took away from last night's show. Everyone on American Idol this season can sing. This is probably the first top 10 ever that were all equally qualified to be on that stage. Lazaro had a terrible night, but I've heard him sing way better than that.

Wait a second. Where's Aubrey? i thought I missed something last night. So she got voted through, but can't win? I'm so confused. Jimmy Iovine did his roundup of who was great and who sucked, and he totally ripped Lazaro a new one, and basically said he lied when he said he had just learned the song the night before. Good. He kind of deserved that. Jimmy also mentioned that Angie is too dramatic. Yerp. Broadway, baby.

OK, I'm giggling right now because Paul Jolley just received a proclamation from Dresden, Tenn., that a day has been named Paul Jolley day, and then Ryan told him he's in the bottom three. OOOOPS, Dresden.

YES! Casey Abrams is back performing "I Saw her Standing There" complete with stand-up bass. His muttonchops are so hipster to die for. I need way more of this guy in my life. Apparently, he's put out an album, which you can't hear on any radio station in Atlanta, that's for damned sure. Oh, and Jessica Sanchez is back to perform her debut single "Tonight" with Ne-Yo. I'm sure I'll keep tuning this song out some more at the gym in the coming weeks.

We find out that Devin is also in the bottom three with Paul Jolley. I'm betting a dude fills out the last seat of shame. Lazaro is safe because he's got a tear-filled stutter. I mean, let's be honest here. OK, since it's not Lazaro, I'd put Kree in the bottom because she went first. Nope, wrong again, Leigh Anne. Candice is safe, and so are Angie, Janelle, and Burnell(!!!). That leaves Amber in the bottom, but she definitely doesn't deserve it. Paul needs to go, but if it's Devin I'd understand because I don't think he's connecting with anyone. He needs to sing en Español again. Hooray! Paul is the loser. He won't get a save. America's youth got it right, and so did Fox. No chance of a white boy winner this year.

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