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Friday, September 13, 2013

First Slice: 09/13/13: Fulton locks it up

Joeff Davis/CL File
  • Joeff Davis/CL File
  • An Inmate looks out of her cell at Fulton County Jail

Fulton County jailers installed new, improved electronic locks in an effort to control inmates who are "always popping out of their cells for various reasons mostly to assault other inmates and steal property from other inmates." The $4.6 million lock improvement effort comes after a 2006 lawsuit over dangerous and overcrowded conditions. The jail has been under federal supervision since then.

A suspicious man driving a black sedan is offering candy to children in Johns Creek. Residents have been asked to report any sightings of the stranger with candy as well as any other suspected clichés spotted in the area including anyone who is always a bridesmaid, never the bride and anyone consistently coming up a day late and a dollar short.

A woman was assaulted and robbed on the BeltLine on Sept. 10 but an arrest has already been made in the case. A fleet-footed BeltLine police officer foiled the plot of the criminal genius suspected to be responsible for the crime. The officer managed to nab the suspect after the ne'er-do-well attempted to sell the victim's stolen phone to her for $20 in a Kroger parking lot the next day.

Odd couple Rep. Earl Blumenauer (D-Ore.) and anti-tax activist Grover Norquist have teamed up to tackle the confusing tax laws relating to marijuana dispensaries. Like most crappy things in life, the laws in question were passed after that one time an '80s drug dealer tried to write off a yacht as a business expense. Seriously.

According the UN, Syria has submitted its application to the Chemical Weapons Convention but the Assad regime wants to be very clear about one thing: The threat of US cruise missiles screaming down from the sky like death-dealing, fire-breathing emissaries of Uncle Sam's wrath had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with Syria's decision.

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