Before our observations about the Discount Double Check sequel had time to cool, they launched a 3quel!
Wowzers. That didn't take long. This is Ray Kurzweil's "The Law of Accelerating Returns" in action.
They are cranking out these things like Chipmunks squeakquels! (Clearly, with artistic integrity in mind, and an eye on the bottom line, they shot 2 & 3 in tandem, a la the Back to the Future, Matrix and the Lord of the Rings movies.)
For the THREEquel, we begin to see the Law of Diminishing Returns. A few of the original actors have been jettisoned (there's a new couple in the third spot, because really, why is the same couple ALWAYS in the office getting their insurance rate double checked...then again, why is Aaron Rogers, a multi-millionaire NFL QB always in the office reviewing his policy...don't think to much...breathe....breathe). They've also attempted to rejuvenate the (already beginning to get tired) franchise by introducing a blockbuster co-star, in this case, defensive monster Trey (natch' for part three, get it?) Matthews and his Thor-y golden locks.
He's Mr. T to Rocky III. He's Sean Connery to Raiders of the Lost Ark's third installment. He's
Winona Ryder errr Sophia Coppola to the Godfather, Part III...
Some have suggested that this AT&T spot is also in the process of spawning a string of sequels:
But in fact, this next spot is not a sequel, it's a variation; the first commercial remade and repackaged for a completely new demographic. If the first spot runs a million times for every sporting event, the second spot is designed to run a million times over the Bachelor and Chelsea Lately:
(If you're not familiar with BMF, you should definitely take a look at former CL writer-cum-editor Mara Shalhoup's three part series on the gang. Look! They even interviewed her for an episode of Gangland and she wrote a book.)
Television programs designed to demonstrate that a woman's worth is based almost solely on the man to whom she's attached are very much a thing. As Ozone points out, we've got the Real Housewives franchise, Basketball Wives, Football Wives, Mob Wives, Wife Wives ... anyway, I'm sure the list goes on. But, isn't it reprehensible in the least to create a show that celebrates the notoriety and wealth of women who are only notorious (although, that might be an overstatement) and wealthy because their boyfriends and husbands were criminals who turned our city into a Scrooge McDuck swimming pool-vault filled cocaine instead of money?
NO. Please make this reality show a reality, TV warlocks.
Remember when anti-drug PSAs were fun, something the whole family could watch together? Realizing how soft he was in his portrayal of the downsides of heroin in Requiem for a Dream , Oscar-nominated director Darren Aronofsky has chosen to redeem himself with a series of PSAs for the METH Project Agency Spy is calling "horrifying." Well, it ain't no Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. "I'm going to be on television!"
Next up, Aronofsky's anti-Metallica PSA.
For weeks, I'd been flirting with the idea of making a trip up to Cumming (or, as it's sometimes referred to on television, "Atlanta") for a meal and some stalking at Georgio's Italian Restaurant, the Greco-Italimerican eatery co-owned by former-Bachelorette contestant and forever-attractive-person Constantine Tzortzis. Believe me, I wouldn't have been the first pervert to drive 45 minutes for the chance to get a taste of Constantine's loukoumades (that's multi-ethnic sexual innuendo, folks!). Then this arrived in my inbox ...
Constantine AND Ben and meet and greet and food and photos for just $25! Whatta deal. So, I did what any good journalist would and got out my checkbook, fanned myself with it and arranged to get in for free.
So, first of all, the event was falsely advertised. It wasn't Constantine and Ben who appeared ... it was Constantine and Ben AND MICKEY. You remember Mickey. You don't. He's the one who had his nuts pressed against the base of his skull when he did that 'tarded wine angel thing in Vegas, and eventually left the show when Bentley came back to have his period with Ashley.
Out on the restaurant's patio on a muggy Monday night, Constantine, Ben and Mickey posed for photos ($3 bucks a pop, no shit) with hordes of women, from the baby-aged to the elderly. Eventually, they got a ten minute break, but instead of relaxing they had the pleasure of sitting down with me and answering stupid questions! YOU GUYZZZZ. It was like a three-on-one date! Seriously, I felt just like Ashley, but mostly because I could tell none of them liked me that much.
Here are the things I learned:
— None of them read my Bachelorette recaps. Phew. I didn't directly ask whether or not they did, but I can imagine the content of my recaps would have been a point of contention. Off the top of my head, I can think of at least a dozen really rude things I said about Ben, among them that he's a cro-magnon with lesbian hair who might have had non-consentual sex with his sister in an attic. I also frequently behaved like an undersexed, romance novel-reading, muumuu-wearing middle aged woman (basically, this person) about Constantine's strong hands and jawline, and masculine ... shit, I'm doing it again.
With the football lockout entering its fourth month, and perhaps inspired by the MLB All-Star Game, a team of NFL Superstars, including Atlanta Falcon and future Hall of Famer Tony Gonzalez, joined team Jacob to make a hilarious Field of Dreams spoof for Funny or Die.
While the James Earl Jones part is played by Dennis Haysbert, keep your eyes peeled for some clever cameos by original cast members:
Reading Filmmaker Magazine's Scott Macaulay weekly editorial remains a highlight of opening my email inbox.
This week's commentary about Apple's newly update version of Final Cut X seemed very inside baseball...that is until I stumbled across this hilarious send-up by Conan.
With his new feature doc making the rounds, is Conan aiming to kick-up some indie cred...
Or is his staff really invested in the functionality of Apple editing software?
See Macaulay's complete commentary after the jump"
More terrific and innovative programming news from the The Earl Smith Strand Theatre in Marietta:
On Tuesday May 25 and Wednesday May 26, the Strand will be screening the finales of two beloved Fox series: "Glee" and "American Idol" for a live studio audience.
It's just like watching TV with a bunch of your friends in the world's largest, and coolest home theatre.
Except it's not at home.
And there will be a lot of people there that you don't really know.
While the joy of seeing "Glee" with fellow Gleeks may feel empowering, something about the live spontaneity, and the undetermined outcome of the "American Idol" finale makes this a much more interesting choice.
The program's continued "it" factor cult following, combined with the show's horror-film-anti-hero resiliency add to it's enduring aura.
Plus this very esteemed blog has a columnist dedicated to the program, complete with lovingly crafted snarky commentary and compounded by the Dunwoody boy made good Ryan "Out!" Seacrest, the "AI" screening on the square promises to be a family affair not to be missed.
Plus, if you're lucky, you'll get to witness to a LIVE meltdown like this:
Kate Ward of EW's Pop Watch reports on Alec Baldwin's political aspirations.
"As an actor, Alec Baldwin has given back to the masses. He’s gifted us with the genius of "30 Rock‘s" Jack Donaghy, the handsomeness of The Hunt for Red October‘s Jack Ryan, and even managed to make Along Came Polly somewhat tolerable. (Somewhat.) But he might soon be ready to really serve the people: In an appearance set to air Jan. 5 on CNN’s "Parker Spitzer" — which definitely has a porn title on Kabletown’s line-up — the actor told host Eliot Spitzer that he was interested in running for political office. “We’ve had men who are … Ivy League-groomed running this country since 1988,” Baldwin says in a preview of the interview, embedded below. “We’ve had 22 years of Yale and Harvard running this country right now. And the problems aren’t getting solved.” Replied Spitzer, “You almost sound like Sarah Palin.” Blerg!
Baldwin continued, “What’s missing is that we need people obviously who are educated, or a leader who brings the educated people in on their back, but people who have not lost sight of what the middle class in this country needs.” That’s not to say that Baldwin — whose said he would retire after he finishes work with "30 Rock" — would have an easy time abandoning his current day job. “People would say to me all the time, why would you want to do [politics]?” he says. “And sometimes I don’t want to do it because to leave what I’m doing now would be extremely painful. … I’ve grown to really love where I am now in my business and to quit now when it really feels good and doing it feels good would be an enormously difficult thing to do.”
Microwaves for everyone in 2014?"
Here's the clip from CNN's "Parker Spitzer:"
OK, fine, the ultra-goofy brilliance of "Ghost Adventures."
If you’ve ever found yourself furiously clicking through the Travel Channel schedule, hoping (in vain) to find a new episode of Anthony Bourdain, you might have come across “Ghost Adventures.” It’s a show in which a trio of friends — Zak, Aaaron, and Nick — travel to supposedly haunted places all over the United States (and sometimes Europe, for special occasions) to see if they can encounter anything paranormal.
Their m.o. is to lock themselves in terrifying old buildings and stay the full night in darkness, night vision cameras their only guide through dark hallways and crumbling, crypt-like rooms. They’re partial to dilapidated 19th-century hotels, old prisons, and abandoned asylums.
Check out this teaser for "Sesame Street's" 41st season. It's a Green Eggs and Ham-style lesson in rhyming all to the tune of HBO's bloody sex fest "True Blood". Called "True Mud," it parodies the series right down to the opening credits.
Adult-oriented humor and pop culture references generally pepper kid's programming — it makes the experience more bearable for the parents that have to sit through it. Still ... "True Blood?" I think the kids would relate better to the childish antics of the Real Housewives.
Protest against a federal agency outside a state capitol. What a brilliant idea.
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Are you one of those tumblr radfems Eric?
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