Have you ever done the online dating thing? It's actually not so bad. In fact, it might be a little too effective. (Then again, maybe it's different for females.) Sure, there's nothing quite like making eye contact across the room, but for busy bees and homebodies, the whole online dating thing can allow, if anything, some temporary entertainment.

Whether looking for love or lust, it may interest you to know there's a new online dating player in town brought to you by the sex and culture lovin' peeps over at Nerve.com. "So ... ?" you're asking yourself. "OKCupid didn't help me, why would this?" OK. Fine. Point taken. But then again, Nerve Dating is 1) Free, 2) Free, and 3) You're still single and looking. What do you have to lose? Your dignity?

Really, it's always good to be a little skeptical. That's why I spoke with Nerve.com's CEO Sean Mills (former president of The Onion) about the company's Atlanta launch, why online dating isn't math, and why we ATLiens should give our hearts and loins to their brand-spanking new dating site.

Here's what he had to say:

The Augusta National Golf Club is all about tradition. Tradition holds that only people with penises can be members. Until 1990, only white penis people could be members. Tradition also holds that the CEOs of each of the Masters Tournament's three sponsors — AT&T, ExxonMobil, and IBM — receive honorary memberships to the club.

As Jezebel and other outlets point out, this presents a predicament for the ugly-green-jacket club this year, now that one of the CEOs is this guy ...

• WIKIMEDIA

A thing that's been repeatedly pointed out: Augusta is a private club and they can do whatever they want. If they don't want to let ladies in, they plain don't have to. The Washington Post makes this analogy ...

You want to tell Augusta whom it must accept as a member? Be prepared to tell the same thing to the YWCA, PFLAG, the sisters of Chi Omega, and African American fraternities — and to seize and review their membership lists.

Point taken. Also worth mentioning: IBM was a boys club until Rometty came along. She's the first female CEO in their 100-year history. Traditions die hard. But, sometimes they do actually die.

The Masters Tournament kicks off on Monday.

Thank you, Brookhaven Patch, for everything you do, but mostly for making me aware that I was neglecting to celebrate the only holiday more important than the Fourth of July (which happens to be my birthday): NATIONAL PUPPY DAY.

National Puppy Day is a day during which we think about how awful puppy mills are — even though they sound like they would be so good! — and how great pet adoption is. It's also a good excuse to look at pictures of puppies on the Internet, and fantasize about butterfly kissing their bloated bellies before tearing their stuffing out with your teeth. In my fantasies, this guy is toast ...

• WIKIMEDIA

Also, really do adopt puppies. Atlanta Humane Society! PAWS Atlanta! Atlanta Animal Rescue Friends!

Oh, and if you want International Puppy Day to be ruined, check out this AJC article about a local dog murder, replete with beautiful (pre-mortem) Glamour Shot of said dog resting his teensy paws on the shaft of God's penis.

You know how many baby animals I have in my tiny, rancid apartment? No baby animals. Not one. Just a smelly old yellow lab and an adult house cat who I'm pretty sure is plotting to kill me.

AND NOW I KNOW WHY. Zoo Atlanta has all of them.

A press release sent out today says 259 animals (!) were born at Zoo Atlanta last year. And one of them is a "chinchilla no bigger than a chicken egg." Here. Read this while I clean up the mess my ovaries just made when they exploded ...

Members and guests may have heard plenty about Sohni and Sanjiv the tiger cubs, Lily the giraffe, Merry Leigh the gorilla, or Beauregard the bongo, but these were just five of the babies born at Zoo Atlanta in 2011. In fact, nearly 260 little ones were born or hatched in what proved to be a banner year for births at the Zoo.

New arrivals represented species from across the animal kingdom, from a chinchilla no larger than a chicken egg, to a foursome of unusual aquatic snakes, to a bevy of little whistling ducks. Of the year’s 259 babies, 56 were mammals, 121 were reptiles, 81 were birds, and one was an amphibian. In many cases, the bundle of births gave visitors a chance to observe the many faces of parenthood in the Zoo. Kateena the red kangaroo joey, for example, grew from the size of a jellybean in her mother’s pouch; Betelgeuse the wreathed hornbill fed his offspring and mate through a tiny slit in a mud nest; and the 62 Burmese black tortoise hatchlings had no parental care whatsoever.

Frankly, it's hard for me to get excited about baby reptiles and birds, but it's very easy for me to get excited about the baby mammal porn the zoo included in the email (VSFW):

Zoo Atlanta's one-month old baby eastern bongo — that's an antelope, folks — is FINALLY entering its exhibit today. Look how jointy his leggies are!

Zoo-types say the eastern bongo is one of the rarest and most endangered species at Zoo Atlanta, because horrible assholes poach and hunt them for "bushmeat" in the wild. They estimate there are only, like, 500 left in their native Africa.

Speaking of endangered bongos, the obvious association here is the classic Bongo jean, an element of my middle school costume of choice (along with an oversized Yaga T-shirt and low-top Chuck Taylors). There are also only 500 of these left in the wild.

Despite being under the supervision of a team of zoologists, a 17-year-old beluga whale was impregnated, and is expecting her first child in Spring 2012 [Obscure '80s R&B artist Terry Tate slides into the room on his knees ...]

['80s children's folk musician Raffi enters, bashes Tate over the head with an acoustic guitar ...]

YAY RAFFI! Belugas ARE beautiful whales, especially if you're into dolphins with whatever big-head disease Joseph Merrick had (I AM).

Congratulations 17-and-pregnant whale!