Stupid

Monday, November 12, 2012

Georgians 'peacefully' petition the Obama administration, asking to secede from the United States

Posted By on Mon, Nov 12, 2012 at 11:50 AM

Good Riddance!

It's been less than a week since the nation re-elected President Barack Obama, giving the Commander in Chief another four years in office. Unsurprisingly, the election's outcome didn't please everyone. But rather than simply deal with the results, however, thousands of Georgians have decided that they would rather secede from the United States.

Yes, you read that right. Political blog Georgia Tipsheet - run by occasional CL contributor James Richardson - pointed out this morning that over 6,000 people have signed two similar petitions. Both have asked for the Obama administration to allow the Peach State to leave the United States so that it could form its own independent government.

The first petition, which has over 4,000 signatures, says:

WE PETITION THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION TO:
Peacefully grant the State of georgia to withdraw from the United States of America and create its own NEW government.
just like in 1860 the south secede from the union. 2012 the state of georgia would like to withdraw from the USA

And another one, with over 2,500 signatures, reads:

WE PETITION THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION TO:
Peacefully grant the State of Georgia to withdraw from the United States of America and create its own NEW government.
As the founding fathers of the United States of America made clear in the Declaration of Independence in 1776:

"When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation."

"...Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, that whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or abolish it, and institute new Government..."

Georgia, however, isn't the only the state trying to break away from Obama's "union." The White House's website, which added a petition section earlier this year to "to take action on a range of issues," has also received petitions from over 20 states. That includes more than 13,500 Louisianans and 18,000 Texans.

We wish these soon-to-be seceded states the best of luck, as well as the poor White House administrators who actually have to respond to any petition that nets over 25,000 signatures.

UPDATE, 10:43 p.m.: Dexter Porter, an Atlanta mortgage broker, has started his own petition to "deny nullification and secession by any state or citizen as a way to solve the problems of the United States of America." He's only got 30 signatures as of now - feel free to join him in you feel inclined to do.

Meanwhile, the two secession petitions now have over 28,000 signatures...

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Friday, November 9, 2012

Georgia ranked third among racist post-election tweets, study says

Posted By on Fri, Nov 9, 2012 at 2:18 PM

Throughout the 2012 election season, social media has helped people to engage in the compilation of Mitt Romney's female-themed Trapper Keepers™ political discourse surrounding election races more than ever before.

But there's also a downside to discussing politics through social networks such as Facebook and Twitter. As a recent Jezebel post documented, an abundance of hate messages followed the re-election of President Barack Obama.

Floatingsheep, which analyzes user-generated geocoded data, yesterday took a hard look at racist election tweets. After aggregating tweets surrounding the presidential race, the site's authors examined the data on a state-by-state basis, seeing how the racist posts compared to the overall number of messages during that same period.

What did they find? They saw that Southern states had a high amount of racist tweeters.

That includes Georgia, which ranked third just behind Alabama and Mississppi.

Continue reading »

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Monday, October 1, 2012

Atlanta slams brakes on naming street after Ferdinand Porsche, famed auto engineer and former Nazi

Posted By on Mon, Oct 1, 2012 at 11:54 AM

No street name for you, Ferdinand Porsche!
Porsche will soon begin construction next door to Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport on its $100 million, state-of-the-art North American headquarters. Millions of travelers who fly into the world's busiest airport each year will catch a glimpse of the 26-acre complex, which will incude a green roof, a racetrack for enthusiasts to test their Cayennes, and a restaurant.

There's just one problem: the street where the auto company plans to build the complex is named Henry Ford II Avenue, a relic from the days when a massive Ford Factory stood on the property.

Understandably, Porsche would prefer not to do business on a road named for a former executive of another car company. Coca-Cola would prefer not to welcome corporate guests to RC Cola Court. And Creative Loafing would probably not want its offices on AJC Street.

So the German car manufacturer asked the city to rechristen the thoroughfare. And legislation was introduced (PDF) to change the street's name, which will be noted with interstate signage, to Ferdinand Porsche Avenue. No other names were considered, Porsche says. The proposal was scheduled for what we're sure would've been a very heated public hearing on Oct. 9, but which now might have fewer fireworks.

Why? Well, there's no delicate way to put this, but Porsche, like many German business leaders during World War II, was involved with the Nazis — a fact that the auto company, to its credit, fully acknowledges. And because of a strict city code or an unfamiliarity with German industrialists, the city that helped birth the civil rights movement was put in the position of almost accidentally honoring one of Adolf Hitler's former allies with a street — one next to the world's busiest airport. Yeah, whoops.

Continue reading »

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Monday, July 30, 2012

'Safety Not Guaranteed' on theater marquee causes confusion amongst kinda dumb people

Posted By on Mon, Jul 30, 2012 at 12:10 PM

Scene of the Aurora Shooting
OK, maybe it's a shitty coincidence that a film called Safety Not Guaranteed should be in theaters in the wake of a senseless act of violence that resulted in the deaths of a dozen people inside a movie theater. But, perhaps there's a point when local TV news stations are looking so hard for ANY excuse to continue to talk about the Aurora Massacre that they don't think or do research before attempting to report a ridiculously bogus story.

I got an email late last week from the owner of a vintage movie theater in Jacksonville, Fla. (it's called Sun-Ray Cinema — very much like our Plaza Theatre, but with beer and food). Apparently, after they put "Safety Not Guaranteed" on their marquee, a local news station came a'knockin' to talk about the "statement" he was trying to make. Here's what Sun-Ray owner Tim Massett wrote on Facebook:

Small crew was out front just now and they wanted to talk to me about my marquee. I said ... O.K.... why? Well you know the message that you have on it. What message? That we are playing 'Magic Mike' and 'Safety Not Guaranteed?' Oh .. you thought I was making some sort of comment regarding the shootings in Colorado? UM ... NOOO you Sicko. 'Safety Not Guaranteed' is the name of a new comedy we are opening today.

So goofy. I'd say, "Only in Florida," except I'm sure misunderstandings like these are happening lots of places right about now.

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Wednesday, May 30, 2012

You look like crap today. And every day.

Posted By on Wed, May 30, 2012 at 1:15 PM

Good news! Travel + Leisure has published another bullshit Top 20 list based on an online survey of its readers' broad generalizations and vague notions about various U.S. cities!

Bad news! A National magazine is telling everyone that you dress like shit!

Good news! As I mentioned above, lists like these are bullshit and basically just serve as link bait for T+L! But, c'mon, let's not kid ourselves. We like complaining about them. And the people who write about them. Go to town in the comments, guys.

So, T+L readers decided that Atlanta is the seventh worst-dressed city in the country. What was this presumption based upon? Did they all visit Anchorage, Alaska — the No. 1 worst dressed city — and notice an especially egregious number of really poorly dress people? Or are they just assuming that people in Anchorage don't dress very fashionably because it's Alaska and everyone wears overalls made of animal pelts? I don't know. Neither does T + L, really. That's actually one of the most fun parts of these exercises, watching a young magazine writer just crawl inside the damp, hollow confines of her readership's collective consciousness only to end up making assumptions about its inner workings. Par exemple:

If the flashy reality-TV stars of The Real Housewives of Atlanta are at all indicative of how the rest of Atlanta dresses, it's no wonder our readers ranked it as America's No. 7 least-stylish city. Hotlanta has one of the highest per capita incomes of any southern city, but as the TV show illustrates and the saying goes: money can't buy taste.

Yes. You're right. An entire city looks, dresses, and behaves exactly like the handful of women on a reality television show. Money can't buy taste. Nor can it make you a hipster. But it CAN buy you a subscription to T+L! Just a dollar a month to find out how much your city sucks dick! Thanks for the offer, guys!

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Monday, May 7, 2012

Sunscreen wants to destroy all of your stuff, you

Posted By on Mon, May 7, 2012 at 12:33 PM

Brave New Jersey woman who also hates sunscreen.
  • Internet sensation Patricia Pencil (or something) also hates sunscreen.

There was a simpler time — i.e., earlier this morning — when we were still naive enough as a species to believe that sunscreen was a good thing to put on our bodies because it prevents us from getting melanoma and dying. Well, according to WSB-TV, a brave Cobb County woman has come forward to reveal just how wrong we were about the deceptively insidious stuff ...
A Cobb County woman has a warning after trying to protect her skin cost her an electronic book reader.

Jodi Brookfield said the chemicals in her spray sunscreen damaged her Nook e-reader.
She said she used the spray on her vacation but later realized it ate away at the device, right where she picked it up.

NOT THE NOOK. Let cancer eat away my flesh, but DEAR GOD, spare the Nook. Could this mean we have to start reading actual books and magazines at the pool? Let me just saddle up my dinosaur while I'm at it.

Seriously, though. If sunscreen can eat away the plastic on the back of an electronic device, what can it do to your skin? Tune in later to find out how unsafe you are no thanks to the things that are trying to save you ...

Watch Channel 2 Action News at 4 to find out what experts also had to say about the effects of sunscreen on skin.

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Thursday, February 9, 2012

The women on The Bert Show think women are the worst

Posted By on Thu, Feb 9, 2012 at 1:35 PM

Golda Cry-irs more like it.
I don't listen to morning radio programs. Not because I don't enjoy listening to half-witted egomaniacs guffaw at their own jokes. I do! I don't listen to morning radio simply because I can't figure out how to use a radio. I'm a lady, see, and that means that I don't think logically, I think emotionally. And THAT means that I'm no good at gadgets ('cept kitchen ones!), math, or basically anything that isn't simultaneously menstruating and crying about menstruating.

Anyway, until I can figure out the radio without getting so flustrated I just burst into tears, I have to rely on my male coworkers to keep me abreast. Apparently, I missed a pretty appropriate conversation this morning on Q100's The Bert Show, during which lady co-hosts Kristin and Wendy agreed that a woman would make a piss-poor president because women are, by their very nature, emotional rather than logical. Also, women in the military shouldn't serve on the front lines alongside Kristin's brother because it would make her uncomfortable.

Reward them and have a listen!

Waaaaait a minute. Are they going so far as to say illogical things to prove that women are illogical? And are they intentionally upsetting women to prove that women are too emotional? WELL PLAYED, because my obvious reaction to hearing Kristin and Wendy's deep thoughts: pure rage and dysphoria. Which goes to show that — fuck — I'm too emotional. Too emotional to write for a newspaper, certainly. Back to the kitchen I go. Not to cook, just to lie there and sob. And, alright, while I'm down there, I'll do the floors. Whilst listening to this. Take it away, Whitney ...

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Friday, February 3, 2012

Familiar story, new headline: Local woman gets what she deserves

Posted By on Fri, Feb 3, 2012 at 1:04 PM

Every day or so — give or take a day or so — one of the local news stations brings us the story of some sad sack who was bilked out of his or her hard-earned money by some guys selling phony electronics out of their car. And, as obedient viewers, we all wring our hands and say, "Oh, how awful people can be to other people." Then we pray for everyone's salvation.

Today's headline via WSBTV: "Woman duped into buying fake iPads, laptop"

Nope. Uh uh. I'm sorry, but here's how this headline should read: "Woman gets what she deserves for being an idiot and also being OK with buying potentially stolen merchandise from criminals"

The all too familiar story:

[A] Lilburn woman, who requested anonymity, said it happened two weeks ago when she was pumping gas at a Quicktrip on Oakbrook Parkway. She said two men approached her car waving real iPads and laptops and promised a big discount. She ended up buying fake iPads from the back of their car.
...
Gwinnett police showed [reporter Kerry] Kavanaugh the purchases, which were wrapped in bubble tape. What she thought were iPads were pieces of glass lined with black duct tape. The fake laptop was a three-ring binder stuffed with paper.

You know when people get robbed whilst attempting to buy drugs and then they report the theft to police? Then we laugh — because, really, how stupid or drug addled does a person have to be to tip the cops off to their own criminal behavior — and the druggie goes to jail?

Now think about it: Isn't this story pretty similar?

You know why people break into homes to steal TVs, DVD players and laptops? Because there's a market for them, a market that consists of people who don't give a shit where the goods they buy on street corners and in parking lots come from or how they were acquired, as long as they're cheap. Anonymous iPad purchaser said the men told her they were Best Buy employees selling "overstock" items. And this is a thing that seemed legit to her. Translation: I really didn't care where the stuff was coming from, I just really wanted some high-dollar electronics I couldn't otherwise afford.

So, poor, poor Lilburn lady got ripped off. Good. Bet she won't buy electronics — genuine or not — from shitheads in a parking lot ever again.

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Thursday, January 19, 2012

Exercises in flawed logic: Mom defends letting her 10 year old get a tattoo

Posted By on Thu, Jan 19, 2012 at 11:57 AM

Prison tats for preemies.
  • Photo: Wikimedia Illustration: Christ Mihal
  • Prison tats for preemies.
Chuntera Napier is not very smart. This is evidenced by the fact that she allowed her 10-year-old son Gaquan to get a tattoo, and, also, by the fact that she had "no idea" it was illegal.

These are not the actions or beliefs of an intelligent person!

But Napier's lack of smarts was most apparent when she attempted — and publicly! — to defend her ignorance. Here are the two really poorly thought out arguments she presented upon being released from jail on Wednesday ...

Defense #1: I could not say no to a child who wanted to permanently mark his young flesh because the permanent mark was meaningful.

“My son came to me and said, ‘Mom, I want to get a tattoo with Malik on it, rest in peace.’
What do I say to a child who wants to remember his brother?” Napier said. “It’s not like he was asking me, ‘Can I get Sponge Bob? Like people getting all kinds of things on them. He asked me something that’s in remembrance of his brother. How can I say no?”

Yes. Two years ago, Gaquan's older brother was killed by a teen driver in Macon. The family is grieving. Maybe mom still isn't thinking straight. But, c'maaaaaaan. "How can I say no?" You just fucking say no, lady.

Continue reading »

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Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Ga. Department of Agriculture's HB 87 research determines more research is necessary

Posted By on Wed, Jan 4, 2012 at 6:29 PM

Yesterday, the Georgia Department of Agriculture released a 189-page study about the ways in which immigration reform legislation has affected farm labor — a study that was actually mandated by HB 87, Georgia's controversial immigration reform legislation.

From September through December, GDA researchers — with the help of researchers from Georgia State and the USDA — surveyed and met with farmers in 138 of the state's 159 counties to figure out how the agriculture industry has been impacted by potential labor shortages and the like. Well, the study determined that immigration reform is having an impact on agriculture — "but results are inconclusive."

"As a result," the report says, "additional research should be repeated in 2012."

The researchers even mock themselves a little bit for the typically and predictably ambiguous findings:

“More research is needed.” Researchers are often criticized for including this statement in almost every study or report. The Department [of Agriculture] gathered the data in this study over the period of seven months. In order to serve the needs of decision makers, additional research is needed to understand the complexity of agriculture labor in Georgia. Research should include but not be limited to tracking employment
patterns, crop production cycles, labor needs by commodity and worker concerns.

The benefits of additional research will provide the state with a central repository of unbiased
agriculture labor data, the capability to measure impacts of labor programs, and the ability to respond
to future policy needs of the state.

Here's the "Report on Agriculture Labor: As required by House Bill 87" in its entirety.

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