I love yourt column, but I have to say that I hope you really don't think that only old people go through that kind of stuff. One of my best friends, who is under 30, has already lost a few toes on one foot and half of her other foot due to diabetic complications. And she is still, very well balanced.
Hollis, girl, I feel you! I lived in the Midwest for a number of years. When I moved there, I was a firecracker. But by the time I moved back home to GA I wasn't even a sparkler. To this day I couldn't tell you how I had gotten so buried; I still couldn't tell you what all that debris is or where it came from. I have spent the last several years buried without a clue how to retrieve myself from all that dust. Then one day I got so sick of me not know what happened to me (the firecracker) I just commenced to digging, and I didn't stop until about 6 months ago. When I finally got through all that debris, I didn't find the firecracker. Instead I found dynamite! Here's to re-discovering your "kaboom!"
for those of us who need reading glasses.
I have enjoyed reading your columns. Here's the next step on the armpit fart (I have 3 boys. Teach her to move her armpit hand like a gun going off as she manipulates her pit with the other hand. It really adds to the effect. If my boys and I need to make a YouTube to demonstrate this we'll be happy to, unless I've become an embarrassing accessory in the last 24 hours.
Tales From My Tiny Kingdom
How many people actually read this childish drivel?
Throw in a false pregnancy and it's a high school flashback.
This story makes no sense, it seems to just be a few paragraphs with a lot of vulgarity.
Thank you so much for replying back!! I really appreciate the great advice and I will definitely take it.
A cult following would be pretty awesome =)
I'm vegitarian and am wanting to get rid of a real leather coat. I'm hoping to get one made out of fake leather
Hey, wannabecolumnist. I literally got my B.A. degree in "English with an Emphasis on Writing" but doubt I needed it. College only forces you to categorize. Protect your natural narrative at all costs. If you want to do what I did, after college get yourself a day job that covers your bills so you don't have to whore your craft, then write a column for free for a start-up publication so you have clips to present that are exactly in the vein you'd like to pursue creatively. Pretty soon people will start paying you for it, you'll get a cult following, then a book deal and then you'll kick my ass outta the catbird seat!
I doubt you will check these, but I tried emailing you before and I do not think it went through...so I figured I would try this anyway.
I am a senior English major, about to complete my undergraduate degree. I love your column and I read it every week. My dream would be to have a column one day like you do, and I was wondering if narrative journalism or literary non-fiction prose was what this type of writing is categorized in? I was also wondering how you got to where you are now, such as if you went to graduate school, and if so what did you get your degree in? I am also interested in your writing workshop. Please let me know, I am having a hard time figuring out what to do after I graduate in order to pursue this type of career.
Thank you very much.
That's one talent I never could master.
who else out there tried to make an armpit fart after reading the column
We read. We occasionally feel. Rarely, we are moved. The story moved me. I'm changed. Thank you.
I titled one of my childhood memoir 'zines "And the lucky ones died."
that's an amazing powerful little story and i really like that you "get it".
I recently moved from Atlanta to Tennessee. Thank God I can still read your column on-line. It makes my week so much better!
its a few weeks later, and my brain is zapped to read the last few articles. Theyleave them out of the paper where I
some of the posters are vocab word this week, so I wonder if any of the people on this board are the people they say they are. Or your brain was zapped to use the word wrangle.
vestal virgin is a government planted problem to be introduced into your lives to see how you would react. The government or the people in hollywood that create these sadistic bits of parenting hell, needed to get the words vestal virgin printed somewhere.
You get to live this version of it. The person who wrote that he didn't like the words of the play, was scheduled by these same people not to be able to see the play. Thus giving more angst for the father, and whatever it gave to the other parents.
They got the father to write about his personal life (dad's rights are big, perhaps alex baldwin can play you in the movie version of this)
I am not sure whether the kids will see each other again, or it was summer camp or you'll meet each other in a store
buying school supplies...
For the father I can understand how wording affects you, and perhaps the writer should not have written about your personal life. I know they write about my life and sadistically find people who have similar stories or create situations so they can talk about what they did.
You got the words vestal virgin.
if the government has chosen to follow your childrens lives, and has started with vestal virgin and gotten you to write about your personal life then they might be interested in you for wroking on Fathers rights. Perhaps Alec Baldwin can play you in the movie. You wont get paid they'll insult you with their interpretation of what they have stolen from you, or maybe you will be the one that gets paid. Hollis has been paid.
they have you for father rights
they'll choose your daughters friends or who she'll meet, and since they have a lsesbian theme going, you'll have to explain your thoughts on being gay to every kid your child meets. Because they need to listen to how you react. You'll see it on tv or in a movie later.
Then it will be time to explain to 7 year olds about teenage pregnancy. Birth control, condoms, abstention what it was like for you as a teen. It does not matter that you did not plan to have this conversation until your child was older. Their political sadism requires you to talk to your child now. There'll be something in the news about the topic or you'll ssee it on tv or in the news.
It does not matter what you have planned for your child's life. The people who put lesbianism in your life, are the people you see on tv that joke about two women making a guy get excited. Now you'll have to explain to your daughter about what gets you excited even if that's what gets the politicians excited and the gays, it may not be that entertaining for you to watch with your child or for yourself. You'll get bombarded with their abstention views while they push sex on you and your child.
You suddenly find yourself having to be the moral majority and teaching your daughter how to swear. that's when she's 8. Because its great to be eight. By then they'll have knowledge of what it was like when you were a child and if you are fortunate you'll get to live the life you wanted.
If you are not you'll sit here writing on a friday night about crap that was done to a group of parents for some sadists enjoyment.
for making friends at school:
the government will eventually introduce your daughter to kids they have chosen for her to be friends with.
or if you wnat to introduce the government to more kids
you can look up all the things I used to do.. its in the movies and on tv. I didnt get paid for them.
government induced sadistic parenting situations living it since 2002. Paying movie and tv people millions, torturing and keeping the people that live it in pain.
Awwww hon. My A. went off to, uh, church the other day wearing something that resembled a pole dancer's after-show housecoat, black with animal print trim, and sparkles of course. That's the only thing that wasn't up to her butt I could get her to approach without getting The Super Sulk. Least it covered her stomach I figured. Believe me, the B-head/F-head moms there will NEVER forgive us for our appalling lack of natural fiber ruffly smocked churchy-like WASP wear. As for a playdate? Hahahahahahah!!
...get out of the Comments section.
I guess the father is feeling a huge helping of guilt and has to take it out on strangers. So he had a "work-related obligation"? Sounds to me like it was a meeting or appointment that could have been rescheduled--you know, like every freaking working single mother has done in order to take care of their children. Heck, when my child is in a play, I find any way possible to be there because MY CHILD IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN MY LIFE!
Sounds to me like "Dad" is prouder of his ability to wrangle custody away from his ex than in actually parenting. Oh, and for the dad--you think your child has no clue about the things she was reciting? Do you own a TV? Silly, silly man!
What a total "Idiot" this guy is. Sounds like he is more concerned about bashing Hollis and misses the big picture.
gOd BleSs OuR CoSmiC tRaiN cOnducTeR oF laTe!
their music--an impetus on the corners of my mouth as well as my ass--has saved me, too.
Dude, hope you don't help you child with her typing and punctuation. eat more fiber and get some counseling.
Creative Loafing Atlanta
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