February 17, 2001 Archives » Bad Habits

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License to make licenses 

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You have to stop and wonder what makes someone even begin to want to create a Web page that opens with a line like, "Pretend you're in prison, make a license plate!"
At www.acme.com/licensemaker
you can make a custom license plate for all 50 states and have a jolly grand time doing it. Weirder still is the fact that you can look at all of the ones that have been created recently and wonder about the mindset of people who stop by these sites.

There are the truly banal license plates, merely a collection of letters and numbers, those are certainly to be expected. Then there are the obvious good ole' boy surfers who create license plates like BOOYA! and DRUNK. But the totally unexpected license plate, done in several state motifs, that I found most bizarre was: BECKY EATS SPERMICIDAL JELLY ON TOAST. Now what is up with that?

Hairy market predictions: "Every market junkie and CNBC fan loves Maria Bartiromo. While CNBC has a first-rate staff on the air and behind the scenes, let's admit it, Maria is the most beautiful. Whether the market goes up or down, we all love to watch Maria. But, how many of us know that Maria's hair can serve as a guide to the market. Even if you turn off the sound and block the ticker on the bottom of the screen, you can still follow, and even anticipate, market trends by carefully observing Maria's new hairdo."

At the Maria Bartiromo Market Hairdex
www.dimgroup.com/stockjunkies/maria.html
there are apparently many trends that can be determined from the condition of Maria's hair. Hilarious! "When Maria's hair gives you this "what, are you still holding equities?" look it is time you liquidated your position and checked in with your stylist. Is it the end of the world? No way! Not with this market, but you might consider battening the hatches and bracing for a serious market correction."

On being an Evil Overlord: "Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However every Evil Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end.

"I've noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. With that in mind, allow me to present ... The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord"

But even as a Evil Overlord, he shows that he is both compassionate and has a good fashion sense, as shown in reason No. 21: "I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman foot soldiers or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mindset."
http://minievil.eviloverlord.com/
lists/overlord.html.

Star Trek fun: On this page, the owner takes suggestions for You Can't Do That on Star Trek! Basically, he uses imagine software to overlay images from all sorts of modern media and combine them with images from Star Trek. Of course it violates millions of copyrights, but it's all in fun and pretty dang entertaining. Take Locutus of Borg as one of the Teletubbies ... now that is funny!

Here's the creator's short take on what he does, "The idea of this page is to collect such innovations and share them with the rest of the Internet. If you have an image depicting some sort of situation, event or thing that one would never see in any Star Trek movie or series, send it in! Anything (well, almost anything ... see submission guidelines below) that simply confounds our notions of the Star Trek Universe will do." So, send in your suggestion today at
http://pblaiklock.tripod.com/youcant/ .

Brit wit: "I, Sir Charles Grandiose, have deigned to bring both wit and wisdom (cleverly masquerading in the guise of advice to the lovelorn and senseless) to misguided heathens and the lower classes throughout the civilised world. Weekly one sits here in one's estate of Blandsdown, dictating to one's fleet of servants one's penetrating and canny insights into the affairs of the hoi polloi. And what petty affairs they are." Whoever writes this is a riot!
www.grandiose.com/.

Grudge match: "WWWF Grudge Match pits two or more pop icons (fictional or real) against each other in head-to-head competition. Who wins, however, is up to you, the Internet viewer. For each match: Grudge Match provides the combatants and the scenario, which sets up the fight or competition for that match. Next, Grudge Match commentators provide "expert" analysis of the pros and cons of all sides -- who would win (or lose) and why. Internet viewers then vote to decide the winner.

Viewers can also send in their thoughts on the match. After two weeks (typically), the match is closed out, and the final voting results and funniest viewer responses are added. The entire match is then moved to our extensive archives section and the new Grudge Match is posted." You must go to this website:
www.grudge-match.com/
Extras/whatis.html
My favorite: Pooh vs. Snuggles the Fabric Softener Bear.

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