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Bizarre crimes from Atlanta police reports

Never too old to party: Around 11 p.m. on Peachtree Street, a 66-year-old man stumbled off the curb and directly into oncoming traffic, an officer noted. The driver of a black van slammed on its brakes to avoid hitting the man. The 66-year-old was very drunk, and his breath smelled like gin, the officer noted. He was arrested for "pedestrian in the right of way in crosswalks" and "pedestrian under the influence." The 66-year-old man's stuff was turned in to police property: It includes one empty English Market gin bottle, a black comb, a pair of red underwear, two Durex condoms and two Trump moisturizers.

Tough night at the bar, part I: Around 1 a.m., a manager asked an officer to remove a 43-year-old man from a bar on North Highland Avenue in Virginia-Highland. He said staffers had repeatedly asked the man to leave, but he refused. The officer told the man to go, and "he grabbed my wrist and turned around, pulling me toward him," the officer noted. "I said, 'Atlanta Police, you need to stop resisting and just leave.' This is when he aggressively grabbed me again, this time by the shirt near my neck. He drawed [sic] back his arm as if to punch me. At this point, I defended myself by throwing my hand in his face, to throw him off balance." The officer said three or four of the man's friends surrounded him and put their hands on him. The officer yelled, "Police, don't you put your hands on me!" Apparently, the 43-year-old man ran from the bar. The officer chased him and tripped him from behind. "He fell and then got back to his feet and squared up with me to fight," the officer noted. The officer said he doused the man's face with pepper spray, called an ambulance, handcuffed the man and called for backup. Then the man's friends allegedly pushed another officer. All four men were charged with disorderly conduct. Police wrote: "All four suspects admitted to being under the influence of alcohol, and the bar staff advised me they had been in the bar since [about 4 p.m.] Saturday evening, eight hours had passed and the group was still consuming alcohol." (The Blotter Diva must ask: Who kept serving the men booze for eight hours? The Blotter Diva did her time as a cocktail waitress, before her writing career reached its stellar heights. Customers who drink for eight hours straight tend to be a) lousy tippers and b) dangerously drunk. Cut 'em off!)

Tough night at the bar, part II: Around 6:30 a.m. on a Saturday morning, a city of Atlanta employee flagged down a police officer and said a man was sleeping in a car -- with the door open and the motor running -- at the intersection of Peters and Walker streets. The officer found the man in a Ford Mustang. The officer said he woke up the man and asked him to show his hands nine or 10 times, but the man refused and put both hands in his waistband -- and he was fidgeting. Eventually, the officer doused the man's face with pepper spray. "He later informed me that he had been out drinking at the bar all night." The 28-year-old man, who was dressed entirely in black, went to jail on a disorderly-under-the-influence charge.

Seeing red: On Palmetto Avenue, a man said his son saw a red Durango in front of their door. The son said he believed it was their red Durango, so he walked onto the porch -- then he saw a tall, skinny man inside their Durango. The son said this man exited their red Durango and hopped into another red Durango and drove away. The son said later a man known as "Peanut" walked up and asked whether someone broke into their truck. "Yes," the son said. Apparently, "Peanut" said another man known as "Scarface" was at the corner, bragging about trying to steal their truck. The son's father said when he called 911, the operator said police had just arrested someone in a stolen red Durango. "Scarface" is described as wearing a long, white T-shirt, blue jeans and a ball cap. The father's Durango had $200 worth of damages on its ignition switch. (The Blotter Diva must ask: If you apparently stole one red Durango ... maybe it's not the best getaway car for an effort to steal another red Durango?)

Lady in red: One Saturday morning, a 71-year-old man said he willingly picked up a woman to give her a ride home. (She wore a red coat and red shoes.) He said he disapproved when the woman opened a can of beer inside his car -- so he asked her to get out. But the woman refused, he said. So he flagged down a police officer on Jonesboro Road. "Force was used to remove [the woman] from the vehicle," an officer noted. She went to jail on a disorderly-under-the-influence charge.

The write stuff: An officer arrested a 25-year-old woman for allegedly shoplifting from a store on Peachtree Street. Here are excerpts from the officer's written report (sic throughout). The store manager said a woman "attempted to exit the store with unpaid for female bares," the officer wrote. "[The woman] walked throws the store's exit with stolen items in her shopping and it activated the store's sensor. [The store manager] stopped [the woman] and found two bares in her bag. [She] was placed under arrest and handcuff. Police asked [the woman] do not move and [she] started to walk throws the exit door and police pulled her back." The two female "bares" are worth about $15.

Another reason to avoid dating: A man said a woman has been harassing and stalking him for about 18 months, after a date was broken. He said this woman calls him about three times a week and sends him numerous text messages. She is described as a tall woman, age 38 to 40.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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