Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Restaurants Is it OK to say 'gay'?
Posted by Cliff Bostock @cliffbostock on Wed, May 6, 2009 at 12:55 PM
Here's a question and some tales of days gone by.
In last week's "Grazing" column I mentioned that Calavino Donati has opened Calavino’s Soul Kitchen inside My Sister's Room, a lesbian bar, in East Atlanta Village.
That prompted Calavino to respond:
Yes, we are serving my menu out of My Sister's Room in East Atlanta (right next to the Glenwood) but, it is no different setting/atmosphere/food wise than the Roman Lily Cafe was. I am gay, my restaurants are not, they have and will always be for anyone that's hungry and wants me to feed them.
I am curious if people think it was inappropriate for me to mention that the setting is a lesbian bar during hours the restaurant is not in operation. I would not, analogously, mention that a restaurant was mainly patronized by black people, but I have rather frequently noted that people whose first language is English may find themselves alone at an Asian or Hispanic restaurant.
Years ago, when I was spending nearly half my time in San Francisco, I wrote about a taqueria near the Castro District. It was full of life-size sculptures in the Day-of-the-Dead style and served really great food.
I received several enraged emails from readers who took me to task for not warning them that it was a restaurant mainly patronized by gay people.
Closer to home, a full-service restaurant operated inside a gay bar in Midtown Promenade for a while. At the time, I was doing a weekly gig on WGST Radio and I joked that it might be a good place for Rev. Charles Stanley, the pastor of First Baptist Church, to visit since he could dine there without worry of being sexually harassed.
The good Reverend, as head of the Southern Baptist Convention, had called AIDS God's plague on homosexuals. He was also at the time living a quite hypocritical life. His wife had filed for divorce because of his alleged sexual indiscretions. Stanley did not permit divorced people to serve as deacons in his church but refused to step down when his own divorce, which he fought for three years, occurred.
My comment caused an avalanche of angry calls to WGST. Sean Hannity, who was working at the station then, replayed my comment throughout his show, milking the controversy for every drop of homophobic Christian venom he could. I ended up quitting the gig after I began getting calls to appear on shows all over the country. It was not my idea of a fun career move.
So, I've wrestled with the question whether to mention a restaurant's gay setting ever since these two experiences.
Should I have mentioned that Calavino's Soul Kitchen is inside a lesbian bar? Is this now a non-issue, as Wayne argues?
Comments (28)
Showing 1-28 of 28
I personally could care less if you mentioned it or not. That being said, your damned if you do and damned if you don't. I think you will get mail either way condoning or condemning what you right. Call me cynical.
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If a bar caters to a specific audience, I really see no harm or issue mentioning it. I am a gay male, and unfortunately know that My Sister's Room clientele tend to only like women in that bar (at least that was the unfortunate case at their old Decatur location). So by default, I would assume any restaurant in that space would be a primarily gay (lesbian) restaurant. So mentioning it seems innocuous to me. It just provides more information. That info. is not good or bad, it's just a fact. If the owner of the restaurant wants no connection to any type of group, the restaurant should not have opened up in a lesbian bar.
i don't think mentioning the restaurant's lesbian bar home is a non-issue, but it's also not that big a deal. as you said, some of your readers might be pissed if they weren't "warned" of the location beforehand. on the other hand, i expect that just as many ppl would visit BECAUSE of the location as in spite of it: it works both ways. personally, i think the snarky comment you received from calavino was more because of the phrases "quite subpar," "(barely) reheated," and "...what tasted like canned black-eyed peas," in your review, LOL... either way, no need to take the comment to heart too much, imho.
Its one thing to just be located in an area that has a large gay population - but to open -in- a gay bar is quite another. It was completely appropriate to mention it. (for the record - yes I am gay)
It would have been odd to mention the location of the restaurant and omit mentioning the space's night time function. To me, it's a non-issue, but I am also likely to go anywhere good food is to be had.
Not a huge deal to me, but I think it was probably not necessary to include. Maybe it is naive to think that restaurants live or die by their food, or at least more so than a bar that caters to a certain crowd. As a non-gay, I don't really care if Cowtippers is a "gay steakhouse" if it has good food, good service and a comfortable atmosphere. In this particular instance, I think your description may have had the effect of limiting the number of people who might have tried it. Then again, who might have knows that My Sister's Room was a lesbian bar?!?
I think you're in the clear — explaining what patrons frequent the space when the restaurant's not open won't deter me or entice me one way or another.
I think it was fine to say that. It is what it is. We'll see how well they do in the new location.
You think diners would object to being tied to their chairs and whipped if they didn't eat their canned peas, Chris?
Sorry, I guess do to inflection not being heard in type I was taken to be upset about the "lesbian" comment. Not at all, it makes our location clear as it can be confusing to people without proper signage. I was merely trying to make it clear that we are just a restaurant that happens to be operating out of the same space as a lesbian bar when they are not open. The reason for my commenting at all was based on comments like the above where people have felt unwelcome in MSR (and other clubs) based on gender or sexual orientation. I wanted it to be clear that we welcome everyone and this is a gay owned, but not gay restaurant. There are many gay clubs that happen to serve food but even during food service hours still look and feel like a gay club.That atmosphere although fun for some may be off putting for others so, again, I just wanted to be clear to readers that we are just Calavino's Soul Kitchen, not Calavino's Gay Soul Kitchen. If there were icons of winks and smiley faces and on this site perhaps it would have been more clear that I was not upset just trying to clarify as people tend to extrapolate based on limited information. I have known and respected Cliff for a long time and I know and respect his style of writing and his sense of humor. Calavino
I don't think it's a nonissue -- you provided a cultural note on the location. I'd also want to be told if a restuarant you reviewed was attached to & run by a church (so I'd know to watch my language), or patronized mainly by college kids (so I could avoid it if I wasn't in the mood for that crowd), or run by people who are easier to communicate with in Spanish than English (so that I could be prepared to dust off my high school language classes). From Calavino's side, I do understand that it's upsetting to feel like you're being perceived as some Scary & Foreign Other What Decent Society Ought Be Wary Of, but I didn't catch that vibe at all from your piece. If anything I felt like you were poking fun at anyone who'd be afraid of going to a restuarant that happened to be inside a lesbian bar.
Calavino: I did not think you were upset. I was seriously questioning my own decision about mentioning it, even before your comment. I have noticed that on many sites online, there is no mention of the restaurant's location inside a lesbian bar.
It would be wonderful to be apprised of the demographics of every restaurant and bar before my first visit. "Who goes there?" is a prime question in my mind before visiting any new place. "Will I be the only __________ in the place?" But I see no way that the information can be provided without treading on thin ice.
Ok, good, I thought we had interacted enough over the years for you to know my intent as I understood your intent/humor. However, when I read the responses above I thought I should check-in and make sure we were infact,on the same page. When I was opening The Roman Lily Cafe another critic for another paper interviewed me and actually said "So,this is going to be a gay restaurant"? I had to laugh because I didn't understand the question. I told him that if he could get three hundred of his gay readers to fill every seat every hour of every day then I guess the answer would be yes, but, if, as I had hoped, anyone and everyone came, ate, enjoyed and felt welcome, it was just a restaurant owned by someone who happened to be gay. One of my biggest fears in this new venture was the thought of alienating my regulars and potential new customers based on the misconception that could come from the location.There was also the fear that the place would smell of smoke or feel like a bar, neither of which is true due to our cleaning and painting. My wife and I are actually the only gay people working here during restaurant hours. So.....everyone is safe and welcome. Being tied to a chair and whipped on the other hand will require my hiring another employee, buying canned peas, getting a whip and charging a lot more for said peas Calavino
Anyone who would be uncomfortable with the location is probably not a customer that i would want anyways. Here are the things i would like to know before dining somewhere: Will there be children? Will there be tourists? (Abundance of OTPers) Will it be packed with yuppies? (any VA Highland place) Due to the close proximity in tables that most places have now, these are very important demographics. I will be forced to hear your conversation and you mine so its probably best if we have some common ground.
I should also mention that I appreciate knowing that Cliffs meal was over cooked. There is nothing worse than thinking every thing is ok with your business when you are not there only to find out the hard way it wasn't. I was at Roman Lily nearly every hour of every day for 10 years based on that very thing. I had virtually no life outside of work. At that time in my life I was fine with that but I have a family that I would like to share a well rounded existence with now so a good strong staff (or knowing they are not) is imperative to my well being. If they are over cooking peoples dinner when I walk out the door I either need to know in order to address and fix the situation or I need to be prepared to close my doors. So, honesty is always better than "everything is great" if it's not done right. But, I still say, I don't serve food from a can ;) except the stewed tomatoes that I cook the not not from a can peas in. Calavino
Who the hell doesn't know My Sister's Room is a gay bar anyway? If someone is hanging out & dining in East Atlanta I would assume said person would be open minded regardless.
Some may think my comments superfluous b/c of the amount of commenting that precedes me, but maybe I can express a further nuance. I'm a straight female. A couple of my very best friends are lesbians, and I've gone to a lot of parties and bars with them. Additionally, my ex is gay, and we used to go to gay bars sometimes. As a result, I've spent probably more time in both gay and lesbian venues than most straight people, and I have not always been treated as welcome in either (but especially not the gay bars). For this reason, if you tell me the restaurant is located in a lesbian bar, but everyone is welcome, that makes me *much* more comfortable going there. I know it won't (intentionally) be dismissive of straight people. So not only do I think it was appropriate for you to mention, it makes me more likely to go there than if I was wondering how welcome I would be. PS: I thought Calavino's comment about "if the writer could fill the restaurant with gay people every night, she'd be happy to have a gay restaurant" was great humor, especially in these times so trying to restaurants :)
I think this should be a springboard for a general review of all good restaurants operating out of gayborhoods. A cafequeeria critique.
i don't think it should matter, but does it here in the south....ahhhh yes. this is like calavinos 3rd spot? your like the female carmen cappello or even a female richard blais. two words calavino: Top Chef!
she is definitely like cappello. you hit the bullseye speakeasy!...ohh yes lets see how long this place lasts
Well, The Roman Lily "Lasted" 10 years. You would have found me hunched over the grill at 75 greeting you spatula and knife in hand had my rent not tripled. That's what a girl gets for bringing up the property value around her. But so does a boy, straight or gay so I didn't take it personally I just didn't sign a new lease. Oakhurst was an unfortunate decision on the brink of a bad economy located in (what felt like) the bermuda triangle. And, top chef, they did email me for next season but I had to respectfully decline the meeting. Six weeks away, I can't even leave for a night without Cliff getting dry duck & waffles and smuggled in canned peas. This is where the icons would come in handy.Smile, Wink Calavino
Mandy said: "I think this should be a springboard for a general review of all good restaurants operating out of gayborhoods. A cafequeeria critique." I'd rather be set on fire, Mandy. And anyone who undertakes such a task will need skin tougher than asbestos. I have no clue why this is, but almost most every restaurant that has opened in this city, explicitly targeting a gay clientele, has been mediocre. And their owners have almost always been hypersensitive to even mild criticism, showing up at CL's offices or swamping us with enraged email, sometimes for weeks. My only explanation is that because they have something of a guaranteed clientele, they feel free to cut corners. I have other explanations but they are too psychological for articulation here.
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