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Friday, March 19, 2010

Restaurants And the slanket goes to ...

Posted by Besha Rodell @BeshaRodell on Fri, Mar 19, 2010 at 3:43 PM

Somehow, I knew you guys would do me proud. The entries for our slanket giveaway rolled in, many of them brilliant, most of them twisted. But one entry shone brightest, and that came to us from Dan Nadolny. Behold, the greatest slanket rant ever:

click to enlarge

Dan Nadolny, this will soon be you.

Dear CL,

To win a Hardee's Happy Star Slanket would mean everything to me. Absolutely everything. The reasons are many:

a) Warmth. Humans require warmth, and in these topsy-turvy times, Slankets are the only practical way to generate sufficient comfort. Especially when nomming in front of the gogglebox.

b) Protection. Protection from the elements (read: spilled food) is imperative. A Hardee's Happy Star Slanket is essentially a giant, glorious, heat-retaining body bib. The kind which deflects runaway meatballs and bits of Nutella stroganoff from my designer couch.

c) Fashion. I've been told that wearing yellow downplays my chronic case of hepatic jaundice, brought on by liver disease, brought on by dependence on Mr. Boston vodka, which was originally brought on by the pain of not owning a body bib.

d) Personalization. As you may know, the Western-U.S. counterpart of Hardee's is Carl's Jr, offering the same great atmosphere and nutrition of Hardee's, but under a different name. My MMORPG character's name is CarlSagan123LOL. So to own Hardee's/Carl's Jr. tchotchke of any kind would sooth my deepest neuroses, make me the cock of the role-playing walk, and fulfill a boyhood dream...of owning a truly unique Hardee's-related slop-garment.

There you have it. I implore you to make ME the recipient of the Hardee's Happy Star Slanket. There is no one more desperate/deserving than I.

Slank you.

Congrats, Mr. Nadolny.

We received many more entries, a sampling of which you can find after the jump. Warning: certain images created by our dear readers for this contest might be disturbing to some.

From Alex S., who was trying to win the slanket for a co-worker, David, who's obsessed with Hardee's (you can see for yourself at his Twitter account: @ssdavidw):

Nom Nom Nom, our beloved and prolific commenter, sent us this:

"Because I can't eat delicious cake and not get frosting on my clothes without a bibblanket or a slanket"

And a reader who wishes to remain anonymous sent us this awesome message, which made my day:

I don't. Really, I just don't need a slanket. I don't even want one. But then I think of how comfortable I would be in it. Mmmhm, the warm snuggly feeling. You should send me the hideous slanket so that I can keep it in the back seat of my car in case of emergency. No, not cold weather emergencies (I might risk hypothermia before donning said blanket with arms). It would be a reminder NOT to grab Hardee's (or any other fast food). I don't need or want a thickburger, but am constantly tempted by the false promise of comfort afterwards. I promise myself it will leave me feeling warm, satiated, and loved... But every time I am let down with feelings of emptiness and a sick stomach. A nice off-mustard colored snuggie in my rear window would be a constant reminder to skip the drive through and get a sandwich from Star Provisions instead. No more cheap feelings of emptiness. It is so easy to decide between a snuggie and a quality lambskin jacket, why do I constantly fail in my decision to choose tasty wholesome food over crap? Just like I would never want anyone to see me in said snuggie, I am constantly hoping friends and family don't see me at the drive through. I could use the snuggie to cover my head in shame...

Thanks to everyone who entered. This was more fun than I deserved this week.

Tags: Food & Life, Hardee's, slanket, Dan Nadolny, Restaurants