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Thursday, December 2, 2010

Top Chef All-Stars: Blais is back

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  • Courtesy Bravo TV
OK, I admit it. I have "Top Chef" fatigue. Even with the addition of Anthony Bourdain to the regular cast of judges, I'm not salivating for yet another season. (After seeing him live week before last I may have developed Bourdain fatigue as well, but that's another post.) But I'm the wrong person to ask. I kinda hate television. And this season's main draw for Atlantans - Richard Blais - used to write for me. So I have mixed feelings, to say the least. I could care less. But I care a lot. Whatever. I'm not promising to follow this season obsessively on this blog. But tonight, I've got a fresh bottle of Irish whiskey, another story I really should be working on, and a bad case of insomnia. The stars are aligned. Let's talk Top Chef.

A few observations.

Where's Kevin? I mean, Jesus, of all the all-stars to leave out...I like to think what happened is that they asked him, begged him, said, "Kevin, you are by far the most lovable and talented dude to have lost EVAR, puhleeese come back," and he said, "Ummmmm...Na." That's a thought that makes me feel cozy. Because otherwise? Mike Isabella? Dude, please.

Did Dale get kinda fat?

Richard, we're starting out with liquid nitrogen mustard ice cream? Really?

I have to say, I think the elimination challenge was kinda brilliant. Like how a few weeks back I met Nick Cave (I really did!!) and said some dumb crap like, "Hey Nick Cave, we both were born on the same hunk of land," and ever since I've been driving myself crazy with everything I should have said to Nick Cave and everything I ever will say to Nick Cave if I ever run into him again (which will never happen). It's like that. I mean, if you had lost Top Chef by a hair over some tiny screwup, wouldn't you have spent the last three years trying to figure out how exactly you would have done it differently? It's one of those fantasy questions, like, rate your top ten albums of all time, or, replay that high school breakup and say what you really should have rather than the snotty pathetic, "but I loooovvveee you!!!" that you wailed.
You get the idea...good challenge Bravo.

It sucked that Blais got eliminated from the possibility of winning, for no other reason than that it made the producers cut most of the history and detail from whatever it was he made. Crunchy crusted pork belly? The Bravo website says he made pork belly with bread and butter radishes, mirin and cheddar. Which sounds kind of gross. But looked kind of awesome. And made me mad. Because it reminded me that I haven't really eaten Blais' food in f-ing years. Truly. I ate at Flip Buckhead last week. And it was no delicious crunchy pork belly oddness with cheddar and mirin, for Christ's sake.

I was also mad that Elia went home, but only because she's hot. I didn't watch that season, so I have no prior feeling about her. I may not watch the rest of this season. It all depends on the amount it comes in handy for procrastination purposes, the availability of whiskey, and probably, how long Blais sticks around. Despite myself. If I can't eat the dude's food, I might as well watch it on TV.

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