So this week, a different Besha, a happy, sober Besha takes over.
But before she does, one word about recaps. They're dumb. You don't need me to tell you what happened - you watched the damn show! If you didn't, and you're reading this because you've got nothing better to do, then I do hope to entertain you a smidge, but really? TV blog posts are for folks who have already watched the show - I am not recapping, I am discussing. So there.
But now! Enough with the Debbie Downer! Be gone, Besha Bummer! It's all roses and kitten farts up in this biznitch.
Wasn't this week's episode awesome? Padma is so pretty, especially when she wears shirts that make her look like some kind of glorious winged zebra and says stuff like "hello chefs."
And Tom! To be able to make such a great dish in only eight minutes and 37 seconds that he thought about with producers for probably weeks and knew by heart and probably practiced ahead of time!? That's talent. Throwing a fish at Padma, our glorious chain-gang angel, was just icing on the branzino.
Did you see Richard's face when they announced that the winner of the quickfire would get a new car? He was all "Whatevs, I already won one of those. IN THE FINALS." I mean, seriously, they're giving away cars in the 5th episode now? What, do they think we're sick of these semi-celebs already and they need to throw in free-car excitement to keep us glued? How cutely wrong of them. We love these guys! We'd watch if all they were giving away was Swanson broth!
Here's a new game I'd like to see all the contestants, especially Marcel, partake in: whenever Mike Isabella does something - anything at all - the correct procedure is to look to the heavens, shake one's fist and shout "ISABELLA!!" It's oddly appropriate in all Isabella-related situations. Including him winning this quickfire. ISABELLA!!!!
Sorry, that was almost a downer, wasn't it? When something's a downer, bring on Fabio! Those shots of him with his pet "princess" turtle on its tiny turtle leash was SO CUTE!! Ladies, which among you can tell me you don't want an Italian stallion in your life, a gnocchi-cookin', turtle walkin' Fabio-stud?
On to the moron suck-fest (cheftestant words, not mine) that was the elimination challenge. Watching Casey trim those chicken toes was just inspirational. Hopefully a whole generation of little girls, upon hearing her ambition to be the "baddest ass butcher" out there while doling out gruesome chicken pedicures, will decide that they too want to be meat hackers. (Just don't pass your chicken feet off to another bad ass, kiddos.)
Speaking of bad ass, Susur Lee is a bad ass. Just sayin.
Mike Isabella was so adorable, standing there with his mouth full saying "I don't know what's going on..." as the kitchen crashed around him and nice Chinese patrons upstairs starved to death. Say it with me...ISABELLA!!!
Phew, judges table. Was it just me or were you expecting there to be more...meanness? Instead we got the perkiest Gale EVAR - is she getting perkier, or what? "It was just like a savory marshmallow!" Tee-hee!!
I was as surprised as anyone to see Casey sent packing and Jamie survive for yet another mediocre, responsibility-dodging week. But I'm trying to be nice. Her lip gloss sure is glossy! It'll be nice to have her shiny-glossy lips to smirk at us next week!
And kudos to Dale, for the best win commentary of all time: "We're all morons."
Here are the standings for our guess-the-finalists competition:
Kelleysue82 is still in the running with Blais, Angelo, Carla.
Foodgeek is still in the running with Blais, Tiffany D. and Jamie.
Nom Nom Nom is still in the running with Angelo, Marcel and Blais.
brittj8585239b is still in the running with Blais, Marcel and Tiffani F.
Martha wrote to me to enter her picks of Blais, Dale and Angelo.
She also asked whether or not there should be some sort of cutoff for entries, but I say no - the first person to guess the correct finalists will win. Otherwise there might be no winner. Like, if Blais got kicked off next week? We'd have no competition! Keep guessing in the comments if you haven't already (or if you have but one of your picks is gone).
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