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Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Top Chef All-stars: Survivor: conch and balls

click to enlarge NBC UNIVERSAL

We hais a winner, we hais a winner! And they've won...

Well, more on that later. For now, let's all revel in the drama that is the Bahamas, hair jell, and the lowest rated "Top Chef" season of all time.

The quickfire was kind of interesting - I mean, consistency's important and all...but at this stage of the competition, I wish they'd do away with quickfires all together. What's the point? Get to the WINNING and LOSING and stuff.

Phew! Those boys sure are arrogant, no? Blais is all "sear and serve" blah blah, and Isabella's all "I made the macaroni myself!" As if a big bowl of pasta is any less of a restaurant shortcut than seared protein on yummy stuff. Isabella's comments about Blais going to get beer? Gross.

OK, elimination, bring it! Here's where we really get to see...Padma's boobs!! Dang, did you see Padma's boobs? BOOOOOBS!!!!

Um. What does swimming have to do with cheffing? Seriously, what if one of them couldn't swim? What if one of them was morbidly obese? Or just gross in a swimsuit? Speaking of which, can we get Padma's boobs back please?

Blais said this: Orchestra of conch shucking. He he. Conch shucking. That rhymes with...never mind. Here's a demo, for the jack hammering fools.

Oh Blais. Your rhapsodies about the inside of a conch shell were beautiful. But I HATE Blais' new "hate everything I do" shtick. It's so lame. Stop it. As Antonia sais, "What's wrong with you?" Dude is determined to screw himself out of another win. Or maybe he's just going insane. Because at judge's table, he was looking a little nuts. I think he might be cracking up. But I so prefer his "I don't believe" thing about his lobster being undercooked than his WAAAAAA, HATE MYSELF! crap from earlier.

And yet, and yet....ISABELLAAAAA!!!!! I underestimated you, Isabella. You are more than an annoying doink.

But here, I think they made the right decision. Tiffany has slid through for a loooong time.

And so!! Our winner, with BLAIS, ANTONIA and....ISABELLLAAAAAAA is...Drummerpop!!!! Drummerpop, you've won two Tasting Tent and street Cart Passes to the Atlanta Food and Wine Festival. Yo, Drummerpop, email me (besha.rodell@creativeloafing.com) and I'll hook you up.

Join us for the finale - if I'm not here it's because I shot myself because Isabella won. Which looks disconcertingly plausible. I'll try to refrain from hurting myself...help me...help me.

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