Omnivore - So, you want to be a dining critic?

Dining critics have been taking a shellacking (to paraphrase our president) lately. Most notable is the Anthony Bourdain-John Mariani bitch fight. (I’m writing about that later.)

Now, Scott C. Reynolds has included the dining critic’s work in his series of “Dream Jobs That You’re Glad You Didn’t Pursue” on McSweeneys.net.

It’s a very funny read. I especially enjoyed this paragraph, quoting the budding critic’s “ode to baked macaroni and artisanal cheese”:

The flavor leaps from the dish to your tongue before the meal even arrives at your table—hitching a ride on the succulent smells wafting from the kitchen. The presentation is simple and rustic with cheese magma seeping between rigatoni crags, boldly daring one to brave this dangerous delight. For the intrepid explorer the reward is pure creamy gold that would have convinced Pizarro that El Dorado had been found in the heart of Williamsburg. Pair it with one of the many local brews that they have on tap and you will be in for a truly rare palate pleaser.

Oh the perils of adjective- and metaphor-laden writing.