Seriously though, DON'T INTERRUPT HUGH, JANINE. HE WANTS MORE WATERMELON.
So, round 3. Cooking. People have ingredients and varying amounts of time to cook them. Some do fine, some get sent home, like Chaz who was "nominated by my mom as one of her two favorite sons." I liked you Chaz. I wish you had served bowls of risotto to the chefs and not empty bowls!
Other things I liked about the episode:
When Andrew said to an egg, "Oh, you bitch."
When Lindsay ran in the other direction as Tom approached her station. I wonder why more people don't do that.
Emeril's serious face.
Padma flicking scallop tartare around on her plate.
Edward's evil laugh when cruise ship Molly told him she cooks for Royal Caribbean: "Oh. A cruise ship. MWAHAHAHA."
It gets a a little Lord of the Flies-y in the stew room on the bubble: "If they leave me here long enough I'm going to kill the other five people," says Edward. Instead, the six bubble boys and girls are rounded up and brought back to the kitchen for the "moment that will define them as chefs," Tom reminds them. Only two spots remain.
Everything's going dandy until Edward severs an index finger. "It's cool. There's no blood on the cutting board." Yeah. But there is blood EVERYWHERE ELSE. His right hand looks like Tyler's mutilated tenderloin from episode 1. He slaps on a rubber glove and it just continues to spew. A medic comes in to help him out and Edward's like, Please just cut off my fucking arm already so I can cook one-handed and show this custard who's boss. And he does, but with both hands. A coat for Edward!
And for Grayson. Cruise ship Molly overcooks her shrimp and gets sent home. Which is kinda too bad, since I already had a nickname for her.
Janine and Andrew get booted and the episode's over. OR IS IT. Nope, we have to go online for 6-minute webisode of "Last Chance Kitchen." A first in Top Chef History™. For Last Chance Kitchen, losers are relegated to the Internet where they will spend an eternity cooking in a dark, boquerones-less kitchen for Tom Colicchio's amusement. Andrew wins the pizza-off and Janine FINALLY goes home.
Back at Casa de Top Chef Ty-Lör's mustache pours drinks and the cast gets sloshed in anticipation of the total FUCKING nervous breakdowns they will have in the episodes that follow. Seriously. Pee Wee Herman, Patti LaBelle and Emergency Rooms? It's "Top Chef" meets The Shining. This season's gonna be terrifying.
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