Thursday, November 17, 2011
Food media 'Top Chef' season 9, episode 3
Posted by Debbie Michaud @DebsMichaud on Thu, Nov 17, 2011 at 10:53 AM
- Bravo TV/NBC Universal
- Who wants to see what's in my box?
Oh, so this is one of those cooking shows where you COOK the food? No pointsies for being a big adorable teddy bear ex-con with a nicely kept beard? DAMMIT.
This episode, Padma's waiting in the kitchen with a snake tank full of hissing rattlesnakes. Hmmm, Padma's got a giant glass box full of writhing phalluses. Nice one, "Top Chef" producers. Veeerrryyyyy subtle.
Guest judge Johnny Texas explains that "chefs are a very traditional ingredient in Texas." Oops, that was my bad in my note taking. He said snakes. "Snakes are a very traditional ingredient in Texas." On cue, Padma drops the "I better see some motherfucking snakes on some motherfucking plates." Padma said "Fuck" you guys. Padma said fuck. God that is so hot. I wish I could writhe around in her glass box.
Dakota wins the quickfire with her Beer Battered Tempura Rattlesnake and then in walks Blanca, a young lady fixing to celebrate her Quinceanera. The task? Make some kick-ass Mexican food and try not to ruin the biggest day of this little girl's life.
I'm a snob when it comes to Mexican food, so when Keith made those enchiladas with FLOUR tortillas, I was all, "PFFFF! Old El Paso Dinner Kits totally come with corn tortillas. He doesn't know authentic." Really, I think Keith should have just balls out gone for a pre-cooked shrimp burenchilada smothered in cheddar cheese topped with a spicy tortilla chip crumble. Called it Coastal Appalachican fusion.
But he didn't and, "like it or not, Keith's made a BUH-ree-tow," says the incredulously furrowed Hugh.
A note about Mr. Acheson's follicular persuasion: I have decided I will not pick on said unibrow. It's too predictable. I find his condescending cadence much more hilarious and insufferable. Plus, as long as they keep putting Padma next to boxes of penises, we'll be aight.
Back to Blanca's Quinceanera. Blanca's a real ball buster when it comes to the food and her dad seems to hate the taste of everything. Then there's the cakes. Did Dakota make a box cake? She said it's not breaking the rules, but...it seems kinda like that'd be breaking the rules. Well, it doesn't matter because she has immunity. Her cake looks like it's frosted with a puree of My Little Ponies and Carebears and layered with Barbie Doll parts. Heather makes a traditional tres leches cake that ends up looking like a big bridal turd. But everyone agrees it tastes delicious.
The green team ends up killing the pink team and Keith goes home. But not. Andrew and Tom are waiting for him online in the Last Chance Kitchen.
The first two minutes feel like a dramatic re-enactment of A&E's "Intervention," with a forlorn Keith wandering the lonely hallways of the San Antonio mansion brooding about his bad decisions. He's informed of LCK via a hand-signed note on "Top Chef" letterhead from Tom. He arrives in the kitchen to see Andrew, whom Padma's been keeping locked up in a snake tank in the back. The two engage in a battle of the clams and Keith comes out on top, crushing Andrew's dreams of beating each chef one by one to the finish line.
OK folks, don't forget to leave your picks for the top 3 in the comments below. PRIZES are at stake!
Everyone's still in the game after the first real round of judges' table. Here's where we stand:
Nom Nom Nom: Sarah, Nyesha, and Chris C.
totm: Edward, Whitney, Chris J
Comments (4)
Showing 1-4 of 4
Can you start putting the list of guesses already taken at the end of the posts? It's probably a pain, but less of one than having to tell people their guess was already taken.
Thx
like
dislike
You used Padma, box and penis in the same sentence. THANK YOU!
A beer battered fried snake won the quickfire?! Was that the chef from KFC? And no winners at the judges table? No winning dish? No immunity for someone on the winning team? If they had picked a winner, they should have gone with goat boy for leading that team.
@themartyparty: added the guesses. Sorry - not used to that part of recaps. I will get it right by episode 4!
@NOMS: YOU'RE WELCOME. It was a great way to start the day. You make good points about all those things. There should have been a winning dish. It seems like they're more focused on the losers this season, trying to pimp that Last Chance Kitchen and whatnot.
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