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Friday, November 18, 2011

Hollis Gilespie's five worst Thanksgiving dishes

Our favorite hometown honky bitch, author Hollis Gillespie, came up with "The 5 Absolute Worst Thanksgiving Day Dishes" for her Shocking Real Life Writing Academy newsletter. Now we all have our own weird little food quirks, but very few sound as unappetizing as Thanksgiving sushi. Thanksgiving sushi? Really? That's just gross.

1. The Bacon Mug.
This is a giant mug made of fried bacon and filled with melted cheddar cheese. Feed this to annoying family members whose arteries have yet to harden to your liking.

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2. Meat Cake.
That is an actual cake made of meat, folks, with mashed potatoes for frosting and cranberries for garnish. Meat cake is popular this year, with an entire online gallery devoted to it, so expect to see a lot of meat-based bakery fakes.
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3. Turbaconducken.
It's a chicken inside a duck inside a turkey, all wrapped in bacon. Don't look at it too long or you'll lapse into a food coma.

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4. Thanksgiving Sushi.
It's turkey, green beans, stuffing and cranberry sauce all rolled up into a seaweed-bound roll of odiousness.
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5. Candy Mountain Casserole.
This is eleven layers of Pop Tarts, pretzels, chocolate, gingersnaps, peanut butter, icing and — in case it's not difficult enough to eat already — garnished with mini jawbreakers.

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