Horrible Heather spent all episode stomping around, huffing and puffing and being horrible, yelling at Bev about shrimp and always cooking Asian food, refusing to serve people hot, medium-rare steaks, and then wins a car for her horrible (actually, it was delicious, not that that hot bitch Padma offered ME a slice) cake that she already cooked once in the competition. No Heather. None of us want a ride in your stupid new car.
Grayson impresses guest judge Dean Fearing with her sauciness in the Quickfire challenge and wins immunity. YOU GUYS: She made a ravioli in an hour and a half. Gee whiz, y'all! Dean doesn't know if even HE could do that!
Steak is on the menu for the Cattle Baron's Ball at the Southfork Ranch. The TV show "Dallas" was shot here. I was too young to be watching that smut when it was on TV. My mom wouldn't have it. So I don't know who shot J.R. Discuss hair/shoulder pads/breast implants/sexy rendez-vous in the comments if you like.
Ty-Lör and his mustache are in charge of cooking 200 medium rare steaks. Actually, Ty-Lör, his mustache, and his 10 fingers are in charge of cooking 200 medium rare steaks. But Ty-Lör slices open one of his fingers and has to go to the ER for four stitches. This may be the goriest "Top Chef" yet! Other people's pain is our reality TV pleasure and I prefer severed limbs to the salty melancholy of Bev's tears.
The meal turns out bland and disappointing, exasperating Tom: "I'm starting to think I picked the wrong chefs. Usually it's hard to send someone home, but tonight you made it really easy." OUCH.
It's Ty-Lör, Edward and our homegirl Whit on the chopping block. Whit gets sent home by mentor and unibrow enthusiast Hugh "BUH-ree-tow" Acheson for her raw poe-TAY-tows.
Moral of this story: "You can get a good look at a butcher's ass by sticking your head up there. But, wouldn't you rather to take his word for it? No, what I mean is, you can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking your head up a butcher's ass... No, wait. It's gotta be your bull. Wow."
The Last Chance Kitchen has turned into Total Humiliation Kitchen, where all the losers have to stick around to "root on" the kind of losers and eat Tom's leftovers. Gross.
Whit faces off with Chuy in Last Chance Kitchen and it turns out not just to be a burger challenge, but a looooove challenge too. Says Chuy upon seeing Whit: "I want to compete, but I don't want it to have to be against someone I like so much." Oooooh. When Whitney wins and Tom tells Chuy to hand over the coat, he says,"You deserve this." Whit: "I wouldn't want to get it from anyone else." THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID. Boom. Whitney and Chuy gonna make some babies in Padma's snake tank. ...No, wait. It's gotta be your snake tank. (I don't know what any of that means.)
Here's the tally, hos:
Whitney's elimination would've knocked out totm and JMF, but she won Last Chance Kitchen, which means she's still a contender. Chuy, on the other hand is out, so JMF you'll need a new #3 if you want to keep playing. Make sure your pick combo ain't picked already.
Here's where we stand:
Nom Nom Nom: Sarah, Nyesha, and Chris C.
totm: Edward, Whitney, Chris J
FuziOh: Paul, Edward, and Grayson
OH! Check out Hugh's family pics.
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