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Thursday, December 15, 2011

'Top Chef' season 9, episode 7

Keep your green tea away from my rustic Southern farm-to-table ROOOAAAARRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • "Keep your green tea away from my rustic Southern farm-to-table ROOOAAAARRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I hear PETA had a real problem with last night's "Top Chef." and by PETA, I mean People for the Ethical Treatment of Asians. Horrible Heather continued on its path of rage and destruction in the kitchen roaring angrily about anything "too Asian."

Ty-Lör wins a Don Julio tequila Quickfire challenge and $5,000, but not immunity. Then Padma tells everyone to pair up with the person next to them for a double-elimination elimination round. So OF COURSE Heather and Bev get paired up. This is why I never stand near people I hate. Or near criers. Then Padma lets the bomb drop: Not only will an entire team get eliminated today but the cheftestants will also be the chefjudges (that one doesn't work as well, I guess). Sarah's mind explodes at the thought. This is the HARDEST THING EVER.

The Challenge™: Prepare a dish for a game dinner, as in quail and moose and jackalopes and stuff, for chef Tim Love and all his chef buddies.

I always wonder when a line-up of local chefs comes in to judge the cheftestants, about who feels like the bigger chump: the cheftestants who have to perform or the local chefs because they're not on the show?

Anyway, everyone gets to cooking and boy are things heating up in the Kitchen™. Bev can do no right in Heather's glowing, rage-filled Godzilla eyes. Ask a question and Heather spits a fireball and yells, "She doesn't think like a chef. She asks a lot of questions like a sous chef would ask." That reminds me of this one time on "Project Runway" where one designer called another a "good tailor." Low blow. Or as Ed said, "I respect Beverly, she's a competent chef and honestly, Heather's being a complete bitch."

Ty-Lör and Ed win the challenge and $10,000 to split and Dakota/Nyesha, Chris J./Grayson and yup, Heather/Bev end up in the bottom. Judges' table is its usually dark and weepy until the camera hits Heather and the shrimp hits the fan (see what I did there?). Seriously who takes two days to peel shrimp? SOMEBODY ANSWER ME!!!!!!

Padma: "Well I think it's clear that the pressure of the competition is starting to sink in."
Tom: "That's irrelevant. We don't really care."
Hugh: "The potato was like WHAAA?"

HA. Tom is such a dick.

Nyesha and Dakota both jump to Bev's defense, but they are no match for the Heather and ultimately get sent home.

LCK: Whitney vs. Nyesha vs. Dakota
The gals have to cook a dish only using a wok and cactus as the main ingredient. IF EVER, there was a challenge for Bev and Heather to face off in, this is it. Oh well. Nyesha wins, which is good ’cause I likes her.

TALLY:

IN: FuziOH: Paul, Edward, and Grayson
JMF: Lindsay, Paul and Chris J
totm: Edward, Grayson, and Chris J
themamrtyparty: Lindsay Paul, Ty-lor

OUT: Nom Nom Nom
Carol Singer, who's emailed in with Chris C, Paul and Dakota

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