Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Where to treat your mom to a drink (or three) this Mother's Day

Posted By on Wed, May 7, 2014 at 9:01 AM

Flowers, spa indulgences, and those little homemade coupon books: all perfectly lovely, tried-and-true Mother's Day gifts. But does the matriarch of your family really need another decorative candle or "one free car wash" voucher? Probably not. Especially not if the process of rearing you induced some mild form of PTSD. This Mother's Day, we propose treating Mom to something a little unexpected. Below we've ordered a few recs by the degree of torture to which you subjected your mother, and correspondingly, the amount of alcohol necessary to temporarily expunge your childhood from her memory, for one night.

A bouquet of tulips is wonderful and all, but let's be honest. She probably just deserves a damn drink already.

1. You were, aside from occasionally touching the stove or tormenting a sibling, a relatively well-behaved child.

Appropriate reconciliation: a flight of wine.

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So maybe you weren't all that bad a kid, after all. In that case, we recommend celebrating your mom's adept parenting skills with a glass - or three - of wine, and a little reminiscing. Barcelona Wine Bar has three flights from which to choose, plus plenty more by the glass in case that doesn't do the trick. Pair with a handful of tapas and dessert, and Mother's Day is in the bag.

2. You rode your bike with no hands, regularly fine-tuned your vocabulary of cusses in front of guests, and pretended to run away on occasion.

Appropriate reconciliation: tequila.

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Westside newcomer La Urbana has a fairly impressive tequila and mezcal selection, while Cabbagetown mainstay Agave continues to boast excellent margaritas (the best, some might say).

3. You set things on fire. Often.

Appropriate reconciliation: Scotch, neat.

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Perhaps you didn't utterly traumatize your mother, but you probably owe her a sip or two of the good stuff. Head to Mac McGee for one of the best Scotch whisky menus in town, or double up with a single-malt and a stogie at Highland Cigar.

4. You had a police rap before the age of 16.

Appropriate reconciliation: a very large punch bowl.

There are some woes that simply can't be cured by one or two drinks. Your childhood, apparently, was one of them. A Junior League-worthy vintage glass punch bowl filled to the brim with enough hooch to serve 4-6 people: just what the doctor (or therapist) ordered. You'll find it at H. Harper Station, where the kitschy glassware belies the potent concoctions held within..

5. You were basically Damien from The Omen.

Appropriate reconciliation: A decidedly non-Mother's Day, er, Night, out on the town.

No amount of Hallmark cards can undo the horror you hath wrought upon that poor woman. Thus, we recommend bringing out the big guns. Show your mom how much you want her to forget care with an evening on the town. A trip to Sister Louisa's for some spiritual sangria is an imperative to wash away thy sins, and one can never go awry in the skilled hands of the mai-tai makers of Trader Vic's. From there, head northward to Lips, where glitter, sequins, disco balls and drag queens await. (And possibly pork chops?) It's bound to be a Mother's Day she'll never forget - or, with any luck, one she might not remember.

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