Omnivore - Smoked chicken wing enlightenment, in three simple steps

• Brad Kaplan
• Chicken wing enlightenment (served with a side of Semillon)

I’m a relatively recent convert to Big Green Egg-ism. Or is it Egg-ianity? Or just Egg-sanity? In any case, I’ve only been at it half a year or so now. I’ve practiced. And practiced. And practiced. I’ve hit some highs (those sublime whole roasted eggplants!), and hit some lows (with difficulty, as in the time I couldn’t get the heat down below 400 degrees to do a pork shoulder low and slow). But I have finally achieved Egghead Enlightenment with a recent batch of smoked wings. Praise BGE-sus, hallelujah.

For those of you not familiar with this cult of the Big Green Egg, its membership seems to be 95% male, and its home base is here in Atlanta, Georgia (well, Tucker), where the Big Green Egg company is based. The Big Green Egg was created here in Atlanta in 1974 by one Ed Fisher - may his name be forever revered (here’s a nice profile from the AJC from five years ago). Fanaticism runs high in the cult due to the remarkable things one can do with a Big Green Egg, not to mention the fact that fire is involved - we all know that man, at his most instinctual level, loves playing with fire and trying to harness its power. So what can you do with fire and a Big Green Egg? How can you join this cult? Let me show you the way.

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If you follow the three simple steps below, you can make what very well may be the best chicken wings you’ve ever had. It’s a high bar, I know. We all have our favorite wings, whether made at home or out on the town. You may pray at the church of Jamal’s, or at the shrine of Nam Phuong. But these wings? Good lord, are they good. And all you need are two ingredients. And your membership in the cult of the Big Green Egg.

Step 1: Buy a Big Green Egg.
Step 2: Toss some wings in Memphis dry rub BBQ seasoning.
Step 3: Let them cook for about 75 minutes at about 300 degrees on your Big Green Egg.

Got it? That’s it. Just two ingredients! Just three steps! And wing enlightenment ensues!

I sense hesitation. Have I not convinced you to join the cult yet? I can tell that you have a hard time believing that the one true way can be so easy. So, I’ll be honest with you… achieving wing enlightenment in three easy steps is about the same thing as achieving nirvana in three easy yoga poses. Have you ever tried to do a Wounded Peacock? (No, I did not mean do a wounded peacock) Every step has a handful of sub-steps. Every move requires concentration and focus. It’s as much about the journey as it is about the crisp poultry skin. To graduate from one level to the next requires patience, and failure, and singed forearm hairs.

To wit… the first simple step in wing enlightenment? Buying a Big Green Egg? I should really break that down for you into three further steps, which in fact are much more difficult to achieve than you might guessed:

Step 1: Accumulate approximately $1000 of disposable income to be spent on the Egg and sundry accessories.
Step 2: Convince or hire two very strong men (preferably Crossfit devotees who place great value on lean protein cooked over charcoal) to get your Big Green Egg from the store to your SUV-level-cargo-capacity-vehicle to the now-steel-enforced spot on your patio where the Big Green Egg will lay in repose.
Step 3: Spend several months mastering the art of starting up and then taming charcoal fires, adjusting inflow and outflow of oxygen to regulate temperature levels, and leveraging the sundry accessories you have purchased to enable the right application of heat diffusion and transmission devices in the service of preparing delicious food.

Have I scared you yet? Good. If you’re not scared, you’re not worthy of joining the cult. Nor would you ever even be able to recognize wing enlightenment when (and if) you have the great fortune of experiencing it. Now excuse me, I must go tend to my Big Green Egg. It’s time for nightly prayers.